For the last month or so I have sensed that I didn’t feel quite ‘centered.’ When that occurs for any length of time, I will reflect on what my ‘habit(s)’ of care have been for my Physical, Intellectual, Emotional and Spiritual (PIES) energy centers. To do my ‘inventory’ I find that it works best to find a place where I can be in silence. I have been out of this practice for a couple of months. It showed. When I finally took the time to be ‘still’ I struggled to turn off all the ‘noise in my head,’ and the external noise. Finally, after about 10 minutes, I found the stillness – quiet, listening. It was like an old friend – comfortable, inviting. I will come back to this in a moment.
I spend part of my time as a coach, helping people better manage their energy. They come to understand that their ability to care for their PIES is more important to the quality of their life than managing their time. We look at how they spend their time, and what nourishes them, and what depletes them. For most, this is an ‘awakening’ of sorts. Many come to understand that they really don’t spend time…alone…in silence. When I ask them why, they often answer, “I don’t know how, or I don’t have time, or, it is too uncomfortable.”
Here is what they are doing instead. “I am getting up at 5:45 am, showering, getting ready for work. Then I begin to get the kids ready, depending on the day of the week and what my partner is doing; breakfast (on a good day), transporting kids (maybe), heading for work. Working. Lunch (maybe). Working. Coming home. Occasionally, some exercise (maybe). Kids activities. Dinner. Kids bedtime preparations. Maybe a conversation with my partner. TV. Facebook, if I am inclined. Fall asleep. Repeat.
Without kids, I might hear more options, but many admit that they will fill that ‘kid’ time with some ‘mind-numbing’ activity because they want a break, to escape. (Note: I am well aware of those periods in our lives (children, a particularly stressful period at work) where we feel depleted much of the time. These periods are about survival. Just understand that is what is going on, and that it is not your ideal state in terms of your energy management. Keeping a perspective about your desired state will allow you to build the time needed to better manage your energy when you have the opportunity.)
There is a lovely book by Wong Yim Harn and Wu Mi Yin, Tending Our Gardens. The book is intentioned to help us reflect on our growth and renewal. It uses the metaphor of the Gardener. I like that. Gardens conjure visuals of lush green plants, flowers, lawns, and trees. They are a place of serenity. If you looked at your lives through the lens of a garden, what would your garden look like? How are you doing as the gardener? What areas of your garden are flourishing; which areas are not? What would you like to change?
These may look and feel like ‘indicting’ questions. I know, because they are questions that I periodically ask myself, and don’t always like my answers; such as the other day.
What I have grown to understand in my life, is that our lives are like a garden, and how we care for ‘our garden’ is reflected in what parts of our lives are thriving, and what parts may not be. What I have also learned is that we ‘invent’ all sorts of rituals and habits for ignoring what is going on in our garden. This is the ‘busyness’ of our lives – the day I outlined above, with your own special flavor. I left out the time we spend on our phones, in social media, TV, self-medicating, and a plethora of other activities that allow us not to think about our ‘garden.’ We know we are busy. We know we are tired. We don’t fully understand the land of ‘discontent’ that hovers, just below the surface; that which we might label, “our low-grade fever of sadness.”
To put more meaning in our lives we need to tend to our garden. Often, to make our garden ‘healthier’, we need to look deep into ourselves to determine what really matters. This will not be 15 minutes and I’m done. Again, always, we are back to our ‘choices.’ It is not complex, just difficult.
Our energy centers govern much about our lives – our happiness, our engagement in meaningful work, activities/play, and our relationships. What energy we have to invest, or choose to invest, will determine the quality of what we receive in return. I know of no other way of having a garden that is healthy, green, and well cared for.
In my ‘stillness’ I came to see that the changes that were occurring in my life around work had distracted me from some of my healthier habits. I have been at this life long enough to know when I am being the best ‘gardener’, and when I’m not. The questions of: (“What really matters? “Is what you are doing getting you what you want? What would you like to do about it?”) help me focus on the changes I must undertake in order to re-center.
In many of my professional encounters, the topic of ‘stillness’ and ‘listening’ are among my most important interactions. I remember reading John Naisbitt’s book, Megatrends, in 1982. One of the 10 trends he outlined was that there would be a balance of high tech with high touch – for every development of technology, there would be an offsetting counter balancing of human response because not every problem can be solved by technology, nor can we do away with the need for responsibility and discipline.”
Being a good gardener, having a good garden, or a great garden, is a lot about responsibility and discipline. It is also about love and nurture…of ourselves. Perhaps Thanksgiving will be a good time for you to not only give thanks, but to also pause and reflect what is most important.
To a better you…
Jim